A simile for meditation

I’ve been attempting to practice bhavana again. Bhavana means “cultivation” and it’s the word the Buddha used to describe what we call meditation. Bhavana consists of vipassana and shamatha – insight and calm abiding.

Calm abiding is generally a pre-requisite to insight. The mind must be tame enough to observe it closely. My mind is like a kettle of boiling water, the surface is busy and agitated, and the agitation runs deep, a churning, broiling sea. I focus my attention on the insides of my nostrils, observing the sensation of air flowing in and flowing out. There are many places you can place your attention, but I find keeping the focus on a narrow part of experience to be the most beneficial for me. I read this description of how to meditate from Bhante Henepola Gunarantana in his classic Mindfulness in Plain English.

The interesting part of this is how when I’m trying to keep my concentration, I feel like I’m trying to hang on to a bucking bull. The bull is jumping about wildly, trying to throw me, and I hang on as tight as possible. Most of the times he throws me before I tame him. The throwing consists of believing my thoughts, such as, “this is too hard” or “I don’t really need to meditate. I’m too active, I should chant or bow or something” or “I have too much to do” or “This is so boring, I hate meditating.” In a good session, I’ll label the thoughts, and observe them as nothing but an agitated bull leaping about. More often than not, I get up, ending my session early.

If I stay on board, there often comes a point at about 12 to 15 minutes where the turbulence subsides, and a sweet peace arises. The peace is experienced as a result of the mind settling down. You don’t realize how turbulent your mind is until it settles. There’s little else in the world that is as pleasurable as a quiet mind. All the mental disease, suffering, suicide, anxiety, etc. is a result of a mind in turmoil. (That’s not to say that meditation can cure all of these.)

I guess I just wanted to share that experience of how difficult it is to hang out when trying to focus on one thing, and how if you can hang out there, and keep returning to the object of your meditation, you may reap the reward of a deep peace and happiness. The acuity wears off over time, but it lingers like a fine incense throughout the day.

Meditation reminds me a lot of running. The first 10 to 15 minutes are often difficult and uncomfortable, but then there suddenly arises a point when it feels effortless and, I dare say, even enjoyable!